What starts out as a campy-old school advertisement for Edy’s Slow Churned Ice Cream, turns into a romp through the weird and bizarre in this parody ice cream commercial. The video starts out with a deep southern voice telling us about Edy’s Slow Churned Ice Cream, which is not to be mistaken for “that fast churned bullsh*t”. The narrator decides to educated us about how Edy’s Slow Churned Ice Cream is churned so slow.
First, we are told, Edy’s starts it’s slow churning process by traveling to the jungles of South America. There the people at Edy’s stalk and capture a baby sloth, famous, they say, for being the slowest of all God’s creatures. Then they ship the sloth on a slow barge to the Edy’s factory in New Jersey. Once there, the sloth is strapped to a Conan wheel and dosed with Ketamine, also known as horse tranquilizers. For the next 3 days the baby sloth spins the wheel and churns up one pint of Edy’s Slow Churned Ice Cream. That’s right, one baby sloth makes one pint of ice cream. After the three days are over, the baby sloth is exhausted and it mind has been to terrible places on it’s drug induced romp. The exhaustion and drugs cause the baby sloth to slip into a vision question. The sloth reveals dark secrets of the universe in Aramaic for 12 straight hours before dissolving into the aether.
The narrator then goes on to explain that, while the treatment of the baby sloth may be inhumane, its all worth it for for the smooth velvety texture and exquisite taste of Edy’s Slow Churned Ice Cream.
Watch the video and decide for yourself if Edy’s Slow Churned Ice Cream is worth the trouble.